Rev (Dr) Quek Suan Yew

PARENTING – The Result of Godly Christian Parenting!

Proverbs 4:3-4, "For I was my father's son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live."

Tenderness towards parents by the children long after they are grown up may not come easily. If there is no foundational nurture between parents and child, the tenderness cannot develop and form in the heart of a child. It cannot be falsified or spring forth like instant cup noodles after pouring boiling hot water into it. It takes years of closeness and nurture for the tenderness between parents and child to develop and endure all the vicissitudes of life and to make it last a life time. This tenderness is the result of Christian love and care shown by mom and dad through all the years they have shared their lives together, and as children learn about life through the discipline and love of parents and the parents in turn learn about themselves through the ups and downs of parenting. There are sadness and tears mixed with joy unspeakable and the priceless experiences of seeing the children grow up to become men and women after God’s own heart!

This is what all Christian parents ought to desire when they become parents. Solomon, the writer of the book of Proverbs, had King David as his father and Bathsheba as his mother. His tenderness towards his own parents is the key to understanding these verses of Proverbs.

I.  The Fruit of Tenderness – This was how Solomon viewed his father when he was a young man before corruption set in, in later life. When his father King David was alive Solomon had this tenderness towards his father and mother. He considered himself as his father’s son even though David had many sons. Solomon was not saying he was the favorite son in David’s eyes; but that David was viewed by Solomon as his favorite father (even though he had only one father). This is a big difference. This was how Solomon related to his father. He loved him dearly. Literally the phrase “my father’s son” means “a son of my father.” Using synthetic parallelism, Solomon felt the same toward his own mother. Of course he had only one mother but eight step mothers because of David’s many wives.

The closeness came through years of interaction and upbringing. It did not happen overnight. Parents and children have to go through the challenges of life together. The more they share their lives together the closer they become. This is the logical and natural way of parenting that cannot be replaced. The moment this is absent or replaced by something else, the children will shift their tenderness away from parents to the one or ones with whom they share their lives. If it is with the nannies who bring them up, then they will be tender toward them. If the grandparents bring them up, then the grandparents will receive their affections and tenderness. This is the way of children growing up in their formative years, when their mind and heart are growing and being moulded into adulthood. They will inevitably become like the ones who shaped them in terms of their likes and dislikes, their character and way of speaking and thinking. The result is one of love and tenderness toward them as they occupy a major portion of his mind and heart. The parents become the loser. The tenderness that Solomon felt toward his parents is lost to them forever. The precious moments and years of growing this tenderness in the hearts of the children for the parents will be lost due to the parents’ pursuit of things like materialism and the fleeting accolades of the carnal world.

What a high price to pay for the tenderness of one’s own children. What a poor exchange parents have made when at the end of life, the warm tenderness of their children that is meant for them is lost forever and replaced by the emptiness of cold houses and bursting bank accounts and the worthless accolades of man’s titles and awards. Christian parents, this does not have to be if you prayerfully spend time with your children to guide them and point them to the only Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ. This tenderness is found only in the hearts of born again children! This was how Solomon described it in the next verse.

II.  The Retention of Living Truth – This is a tenderness that is not gleaned from the earth. The school system of this world where the devil is god is the weed that chokes this tenderness out of the hearts of our children. It can come into the hearts of our children who are also born in sin and in the same state of depravity like everyone else but with a difference. Children born into Christian homes need to grow up in a Christian environment surrounded by the truth of God’s Word in holiness, godliness and righteousness. They are exposed to the living Word through the written Word obeyed in the lives of mom and dad! Solomon described the influence of King David in his life this way, “He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live.” The word “teach” is an unusual word. It is not the usual word for didactic teaching. The root meaning is to point out by aiming the finger. Therefore the teaching by King David was personal interaction whereby he was present to point out to Solomon what was wrong and what was right. When Solomon behaved badly, David told him that this was not the way to behave. When Solomon threw a tantrum or used a bad word or was rude, David was there to point it out to him, correct him and show him the right way.

David taught him God's Word. He told Solomon to use his heart to listen to God's Word and not just his head and ears. He told Solomon to use his heart to retain, i.e. keep fast, his words. The word “retain” captures the meaning very accurately. It is to let the Word of God sink deeply and take root in the heart. In this way, the Word of God will not be forgotten. This will help Solomon remember to obey in future years what he learned as a child. Using synthetic parallelism, Solomon testified that King David told him to keep, i.e. to build, a hedge around the commandments that he has hidden in his heart so that they would not be taken from him. If the Word of God was precious to Solomon he would do so. When the Word of God loses its preciousness then it will be easily taken. Disobedience is the result. If Solomon obeyed the Word of God he would live, i.e. have eternal life and bear a holy witness for Christ. This is true for all believers and believer's children when the Word of God is obeyed and hidden in their hearts. Was this not what happened to the gospel of Christ at the point of our salvation?

Conclusion– It is true that Solomon wasted his life when he married many wives and allowed idolatry into Jerusalem to corrupt Israel and he also trusted in gold and chariots instead of God. This waywardness came about as a result of his pride. He wallowed in his success in life and forgot that the wisdom did not originate from within him but from God. He had the knowledge of God in his heart but when it was filled with pride and the Word of God was not obeyed, Solomon sinned greatly and was ruined. He repented and regretted grievously what he had lost after the death of his father David. He had become a bad testimony for Christ.

The saving factor in Solomon’s life was the fact that he retained the Word of God in his heart and turned from his sinful ways and returned unto the Lord. This gives hope to us as parents, that even when our children are wayward, if the biblical Word is soundly retained in their hearts, they will return to the Lord.

Solomon confessed that his life of materialism was all vanity of vanities, all was vanity. His final counsel to all who would listen to him is Ecclesiastes 12:13-14,“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.”