My dear readers,

Questions from CPBPC’s Annual Church Camp (10-15 June 2019) – part 6 

If David loved the Lord with his heart, soul, strength and mind, why did he still have so many women in his life (not just the incident with Bathsheba)?

Reply – The love that the Bible speaks of is “agape love” which is God’s love for sinners. It is unconditional and sacrificial as God has shown to us when He sent the Lord Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins. This is the love which every Christian is blessed with at the point of his salvation in Christ (cf. Romans 5:5). This love enables all believers to love Christ with all his heart, soul, strength and mind. David had this love. But to maintain this love consistently without any decline in its intensity in all areas of our lives as Christians, it would require sinless perfection which is only possible in the glorified body. As long as we are in this mortal flesh, this love of Christ would include swift repenting of sins whenever we fall into sin as holiness is part of this love’s desire. Believers fall into sin quite readily, sad to say. The sins of the mind, heart, mouth and actions are all sins that require repentance. The love of Christ would compel and lead us to sincere heartfelt confession and seek reconciliation with man and God. It is important to understand that God does not expect or teach sinless perfection. He desires holiness and so must all Christians, as long as we serve Him on earth in this earthen vessel. 

God uses His servants not because they are perfect but because they are holy in Christ. And without salvation in Christ there is no service that can be acceptable to God. David was called a man after God's own heart which is actually a description of all born again believers. David as a fugitive and as king sinned against God. He needed to repent of his sin which he did sincerely as was the case of his sin against Bathsheba (cf. Psalm 51). With regard to his many wives, he did not take them from their husbands. Their culture at that time and their standard of holiness in service were not like that of the local church witness. Comparisons of the requirements of a godly king (cf. Deuteronomy 17:14-20) and of an elder or deacon (cf. 1 Timothy 3:1-13) reveal this simple truth. What was permitted for leaders in the periods of Judges and kings in Old Testament times in terms of no disqualification must not be compared or applied to leaders in the local church in the New Testament. They are different with different contexts. For example, in the nation of Israel, everything in Israel was ordained by God, whereas the local church witnesses within heathen nations have idolatrous cultures as their foundations. Therefore the standard of leadership is much higher than in the past. The crux of the matter in witness is always holiness and not perfection. 

Just because God still used David despite his many wives does not mean that David was spared the troubles that come with many wives. He had family problems, e.g. one of his sons raped his half-sister and was then killed by the brother of the half-sister, that broke David’s heart. Then there was the rebellion of David’s son, Absalom who nearly succeeded in killing David after usurping the kingdom for a brief period. This was another problem that blemished David’s witness for the LORD. These were accounts of David’s life recorded for our learning so that believers must realize that just because God gives to all His children this agape love and the ability to love Him with all  their heart, soul, strength and mind, it does not mean that they do so without sinning. It simply means that whenever they sin, they will desire holiness and will repent of their sin because they love God with all their heart, soul, strength and mind. 

A divorcee later became a Christian. Can he remarry a Christian? How would you counsel a professing Christian who wants to divorce her husband who is a believer?

Reply – To the first question -- Yes the person can remarry a Christian. The life of an unbeliever will not be judged based upon Christian principles. He has not brought shame to the name of Christ by his divorce since he was not a Christian. When he accepts Christ as his Lord and Saviour, all his sins will be washed away by the blood of Christ including his sin of divorce (assuming that it was for the wrong reason). Of course as a Christian he can only marry in the Lord. It is important to note here that issues like these are casuistic in nature and must be dealt with on a case by case basis. 

To the second question -- The teaching from the Bible on Christian divorce is that there are circumstances whereby the Bible permits divorce. Firstly, we need to understand the meaning of divorce. Divorce means “to free fully”. Literally it means that the covenant of marriage has been fully dissolved. It ceases to exist. The biblical separation of divorce is “till death do us part.” It is death that will dissolve the marriage covenant because one of the persons who made the marriage covenant is no longer on earth! In this sense, divorce is to consider the other party as dead. The Hollywood version of “still friends after divorce” promotes a very low view of marriage. Marriage is the most important human relationship on earth. It is the only human relationship on earth which God commands can be broken only by death. All other relationships like parent-child, sibling and best friends will part on their own when parties automatically drift apart as their lives enter into the next phase. For example, children will leave home or best friends will see less of each other when they marry and live their own lives. This is not the case with a Christian marriage. It is God who brings them together and therefore God alone who can break them apart, for God is the One in control of life and death! Christian marriage is also used by the Lord to illustrate the union between Christ and His church (cf. Eph. 5:32).  

Why did God permit divorce if marriage is meant to last a life time? Matthew 19:7-8 “They [the Pharisees] say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” The meaning of “hardness of heart” is “sclerosis of heart.” Only unbelievers have hardened hearts. It is a heart hardened by sin. Every believer is given a heart of flesh at the point of salvation. That is why in the case of adultery in a Christian marriage, the counsel is to repent. There is no justification for adultery in marriage. It is entirely and always the fault of the adulterer. The adulterer who is truly born again will desire to repent and stop the adulterous relationship as soon as possible. David did not commit the sin of adultery again after the rebuke and his repentance. The indwelling Holy Spirit will bring about this conviction. But if the adulterer refuses to repent and decides to remain in the adulterous relationship, it proves that the person’s salvation was false from the beginning. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” [Emphasis added] These are descriptions of unrepentant sinners. King David repented immediately when he was confronted by Nathan, God’s prophet for the sin of adultery. He did not blame anyone but himself (cf. 2 Samuel 12:1-12). 

The Bible permits only two reasons for divorce. The first is for two professing believers. Matthew 19:9 “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” To “put away” means “to divorce.” Matthew 5:32 “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” [The two underlined phrases are the same in Greek.] The phrase “except it be for fornication” means that when the adulterer refuses to repent of his sin of adultery even after being counseled then the victim will be counseled to divorce. The adulterer has made a mockery of the marriage covenant by his persistent refusal to stop his sinful adulterous relationship. This is to save the victim’s peace of mind and the mental torture by an unrepentant spouse who has turned the marriage covenant into meaningless gibberish. The decision of suing for divorce is to force the adulterer to realize that his sin has grave consequences. He has become a destroyer of his own family! Hopefully he will realize the sinfulness of his lustful actions and repent of his sin thus saving his soul in the process. Not to sue for divorce in the face of unrepentant adultery would mean that the victim accepts and condones his sinful adulterous relationship. The marriage covenant for believers is an imagery of Christ and His church. Ephesians 5:31-32 “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” To accept or tolerate an adulterer spouse is like saying that Christ accepts His church’s life of spiritual adultery through worshipping idols. God forbid! God gave Israel a bill of divorce because of her persistent and unrepentant idolatry. Jeremiah 3:8 “And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.”

The second biblical basis for divorce is for a believer and an unbeliever. It is taught in 1 Corinthians 7:13-15 “And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” [Emphasis added] The word “depart” is the same as the word ”asunder” in Matthew 19:6 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” The couple married when both were unbelievers. After one of them becomes a Christian, the Christian spouse must not seek divorce but live a life of holiness and godliness so that in time, God willing, the unbelieving spouse might become a Christian. However, if the unbeliever forces the Christian spouse to choose either Christ or the marriage, then the counsel to the Christian spouse will be to hold on to Christ and not give up the faith! The Christian spouse must not initiate the divorce but will have to accept it if the unbeliever spouse initiates it.

Shouldn’t we stop giving out red packets, mandarin oranges or wearing red during CNY? Those practices were formed on the same principles as Lo Hei.

Reply – The basis for the practice of certain aspects of a believer's culture is not its origin. All cultural practices of Gentile believers originated from idolatry. The LORD knows this and He explains this in the epistle to the Romans and provided guidelines to help regulate this matter (cf. Romans 14). This is not the same as the nation of Israel. Israel is the only nation whose cultural practices originated from God because every aspect of Israel’s life and witness was meant to point the world to Christ. However, God made it very clear that Gentile believers were not supposed to be like Israel and adopt her cultural practices. When the enemies wanted Paul to circumcise Titus, Paul declared that Titus would not be circumcised. Timothy was half Jewish as his mother was Jewish, whereas Titus was 100% Greek. That was why Timothy had to be circumcised to fulfill all righteousness before he was brought into service. Galatians 2:3-4 “But neither Titus, who was with me, being a Greek, was compelled to be circumcised: 4 And that because of false brethren unawares brought in, who came in privily to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Jesus, that they might bring us into bondage.” (see also Acts 15). 

The guideline for the local church with regard to culture is taught in Romans 14:6-9 “He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks. 7 For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. 8 For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. 9 For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living.” This means that as long as a cultural practice has lost its spiritual significance and it is purely cultural in nature, the believer is permitted to observe it as unto the Lord. “Lo hei” is still practised today with its spiritual significance. When it is practised, and the words uttered are wishes for prosperity and health and for the food eaten to bring about such a desire, then it ought not to be practised. If the celebration of CNY with all its customs does not have this spiritual and superstitious significance, it can be practised, and even so the guideline is still in the LORD which means the manner it is observed must not result in sins such as drinking and gambling. 

If a family member or friend is an unbeliever and ultimately ends up in hell, then how can one who is a believer be happy in heaven knowing that his loved ones are in hell?

Reply – God’s Word is the basis for every believer’s understanding. God says it, the believer believes it. The believer does not need to know how it is done; he trusts the Lord to bring it to pass just because He says so. This is what faith in God means. If God says that there will not be tears in heaven then there will be no tears in heaven. Revelation 21:1-5 “And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. 2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. 4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. 5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.” [Emphasis added] Verse 4 does not mean that the saints will be crying and God will wipe their tears away. It means that heaven is a place that will have no tears, no death, no sorrow, no crying and no pain. It is a world where sins will not be permitted to exist. All believers will be in their glorified bodies. All the things of the past in the old earth and heaven will be no more. It will be a fresh and brand new heaven and earth that have never been stained by sin or even the sorrow and pain that comes with sin. 

Yours faithfully in the Saviour’s Service

Rev Dr Quek Suan Yew, Pastor