My dear readers,

Questions Posed at CPBPC’s Annual Church Camp (10-15 June 2019) – part 4

As parents, how do we discern between being overprotective (e.g. removing every obstacle) or doing our best as parents to guide our child (not set them up for failure)?

Reply – All children are born with a sinful nature. Their whole being is characterized by the lusts of the flesh, lusts of the eyes and the pride of life. There is absolutely nothing any parent can do to help their children out of this bondage to sin that has enslaved them since they were formed in their mothers’ wombs. This is the strength of the bondage that will result in death and hell. 

However, Christian parents can do something with God’s help in Christ. God alone can transform and control the hearts and minds of every human being. He uses the perfect Word of God to push out the carnal ideas and philosophies of the world and replaces them with the truth of His holy and fruitful Word of Life. This is the only way. Once our children come to know Christ as Lord and Saviour, the LORD Himself will take care of them and protect them. Christ lives in them by way of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit of Christ. They will never walk alone. God who is omnipresent will always be there for them from the day they are born again to eternity as He promised. That is why the only way is the way of truth according to Holy Scriptures. For example, search out all the verses in the Book of Proverbs on how to be a godly parent and study them with an obedient heart. In this way fewer mistakes will be made in bringing up children. That was the intent of the Book of Proverbs when God inspired it for His people. 

The balance is found in the Bible. Every child is different. There is no one-formula-fits-all. The principles in these verses from God the Father on bringing up children will be more than sufficient to help every parent deal with every child regardless of their behaviour and make up. Pray with them before the day begins and ends. Pray for them in between. Be a godly example to them always, teaching them to obey God's Word even before they become Christians. This is their blessing and privilege. When they are born again, ensure that they are baptized as commanded by the Lord and claim the promise that He has promised to all Christian parents in 1Corinthians 7:14. They are already holy in the sight of God because of your salvation in Christ. Claim this promise by providing a holy and godly home for the children to see and taste how good and wonderful the Lord Jesus Christ is. In this way the children will be shown the narrow way as they begin their life on earth.  Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The literal translation is “Narrow from the mouth of the way of the infant and when he is old he will surely not depart from it”. Immediately the way of the world and the deception of the god of this world will have no power over your child’s heart and mind. The Spirit of Christ already controls such a heart. 

What verses and passages does the Bible have for Christians who have made mistakes in their backslidden/unsaved days and now face consequences/possibility of consequences?

Reply – The life of the believer begins in heaven when God first creates him in his mother’s womb. God decides when and where every child is born. In His sovereignty He determines who the child’s parents are and what kind of household he will live and be brought up in. God also determines whether the child will have siblings or not, who his friends and teachers and relatives are who will shape and help mould his character as he matures. Then in God's time He will send someone to bring the gospel to him and God will save him unto Himself through Christ. When the child’s eyes have been opened, he will be able to see that the Lord has been in control of his life from the very beginning. He did not know it before. Now that he is born again in Christ he can see from hindsight the mercies and grace of God in protecting and moulding him for His glory to make him the person that he is now. 

The consequences of the child’s behaviour and conduct are all part of this preparation and moulding. For example, the life of the Apostle Paul before his salvation was one of a persecutor of the church. He had to live with the consequences of what he did before his salvation all his life. His shame and the trouble he experienced throughout his ministry plagued him till his imprisonment, even unto death. His apostleship came under attack numerous times and he had to defend it. The other apostles like Peter and John did not have their apostleship challenged at all. Satan knew it would be foolish to do so. Paul’s apostleship was not from the beginning of Christ’s ministry on earth. The consequences of our lives are always in God’s sovereign hand. 

Ephesians 1:3-12 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: 4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: 5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, 6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. 7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace; 8 Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence; 9 Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself: 10 That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him: 11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: 12 That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.”

At the end of it, it will turn out for our good, i.e. we will be drawn closer to Christ and we become a better witness for Him as well. Romans 8:26-30 “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. 29 For whom he did fore know, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.”

Is it ALL the parents' fault if children grow up & are unbelievers? Full question in comments...

• We understand that it is best that one parent stays home to look after children and that God commands us to teach our children well and be a good example. Is it ALL the parents' fault if children grow up and are unbelievers? (If the parents somehow didn't do their job of parenting that well) Are the children not also responsible to some extent for how they respond to us? Another way of phrasing this question is: Does God save EVERY child if parents do the above with much prayer?

Reply – It is always the parents’ fault if the parents are believers from the beginning of their child’s life. The child is born with a sinful nature and is in total depravity. But it is the parents’ responsibility to teach and show the child that there is another way other than the way of sin and death. They have the Word of God to guide and show them the way to bring up their child. If they do not study the Bible and follow the way of God, then they have no one to blame but themselves. The child from birth depends upon the parents for everything to live and breathe. If the child dies physically at a tender age, can the parents be blamed entirely for the child’s death if they were the only ones at home with the child? 

Of course there will be others in the home who will influence the child as he grows up. There will also be the influence of the world through the television, computer and family members and school friends. These are to be carefully negated by the parents through their daily devotion and godly example of holiness. It is not a matter of finding fault or placing blame but one of faith and trust in God’s promise. Based upon the promise of Proverbs 22:6, it is not a matter of laying blame as all parties will make mistakes but rather whether the LORD will keep His promise when He said “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Furthermore when the Christian parent or parents offered the child to the LORD to claim the promises of God at the child’s baptism, did they do so by faith? Their child is holy in the eyes of God and God wants the parents to know this so that they will have the assurance and conviction that their child will be born again when the spiritual environment of holiness is provided for their child with God's help through the Word of Life. 1 Corinthians 7:14 “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.” 

It is a question of faith and faithfulness, is it not? The LORD has given to His children so much, so all that believing parents have to do is to obey what the Word of God teaches and turn their homes into holy and godly sanctuaries where their children will be brought up and see the wonderful Saviour in the lives of mom and dad. Is this really so hard to do? 

This is another promise from Christ for our encouragement. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” All believers have overcome the world in Christ. At the moment of salvation, the mind of Christ is given to them. Believers also have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit when Christ baptized them with the Holy Spirit at the point of salvation. They also have the perfect Word of God which is a lamp unto their feet and light unto their path. Believers will never walk in darkness again and do not have to guess how they ought to live or what they ought to do in all relationships including bringing up children in the fear and admonition of the LORD. 

By faith in Christ we who are God’s children already have the victory. 1 John 5:4-5 “For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. 5 Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?” Instead of asking, “Is it my fault that my children are not born again?”, we ought to constantly pray, “Help me O God to live a holy life, and save my children for Jesus’ sake as I claim the promises that you have promised in Holy Scriptures. Amen.” 

Yours faithfully in the Saviour’s Service

Rev Dr Quek Suan Yew, Pastor