Rev (Dr) Quek Suan Yew

PARENTING – The Heart of Christian Parenting!

Proverbs 4:1-2, "Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law."

Introduction – Parenting is one of the most difficult roles entrusted to a human being. There is no “one formula fits all” as children are made of very different characteristics, even for twins. Their personalities and dispositions can be extremely different even though they live under the same roof. It is a lifelong endeavour of concern for children. It only ends at death. All parents desire in their own ways the best for their children. Sometimes the ways and desires are misplaced and they end up hurting the children rather than helping them. The fact that parents are far from perfect makes this heartfelt and lifelong endeavour inevitable. No matter how hard they try, they will make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes are life changing for the whole family. Even though they do not wish to make mistakes, sadly due to the weakness of the flesh they will make them. 

Many books have been written on good parenting but the methods vary from culture to culture and century to century. Based upon what we see of the families and children in the 21^stcentury these books by men and women have not helped much. In fact they probably have done more harm than good as the broken families and high divorce rates and couples living out of wedlock can testify! The children of today are aimless and wild. The hedonistic lifestyle of children living in the first world society is the norm for the rich and famous. Such a life spawns generations of carnal families as the children become parents and propagate the same if not a worse debaucherous lifestyle for their children. For the poor, they long and live with envy at the rich lifestyle that will probably remain a pipe dream and beyond their grasp unless they strike it rich at a casino or the national lottery. There must be a need for Christian parents to swim against the tide as they bring up their children. The norms of the world must be rejected so that they can bring their children up in the admonition and nurture of the Lord which is the norm of the Christian home as God has instructed from Holy Scriptures. Ephesians 6:4 “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” 

If there is a passage in the Bible that delineates accurately the heart of Christian parenting, it is Proverbs 4:1-2. Christian parents, do take note the instruction of your heavenly Father on godly parenting, for it is His desire for you to have a godly home bringing up godly children especially in these last days when homes are destroyed for want of godly examples. 

I.  The Role of the Christian Father – First and foremost the father is the head of his God given home for him to rule and guide. The leader of the home is the father. This is a leadership of exemplary godly living, and not lordship over his family as if his home is his personal miniature kingdom. His primary duty is to instruct. The word “instruction” is the word “chastisement.” The discipline in the home by the father determines the direction and spiritual status in the home. If he is carnal everyone in the home will be carnal. If he is worldly and cares only for the luxurious lifestyle, his home will head in the direction of materialism where loving mammon is the way of life for all in the home. If father is godly and close to Christ his Lord, then the home will be abundantly blessed with the presence of Christ and peaceful and love for Christ prevails. Everyone in such a godly home will love Christ and young children will grow up to love Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour, for they have experienced the wonderful Saviour in their growing up years through mom and dad before they experience Him personally in their hearts as Lord and Saviour. This is what a godly father can provide in his home. The power to bring this into a reality lies with him. All he needs to do as a child of God is to lean on Christ and not himself.

He needs to be a good student of God's holy Word. This is his daily spiritual milk and meat as he matures. This is the only way he can be godly to provide his children with the right kind of instruction. Otherwise he might direct them in the wrong way; God's way is always the right way. This is what chastisement entails. Teaching the children what is right and wrong based upon the Word of God. The children are disciplined for wrong and encouraged for doing right. The children depend on father to determine for them what is wrong or right as the father is the one who disciplines. The right and wrong to unbelieving parents is what is right or wrong in their own eyes. But to the Christian father it is the perfect Word of God that becomes the light and lamp to help him decide. When he follows the Bible in his determination he knows he is never wrong. This is what every godly Christian must attempt to do with God’s help. The kind of heart in the Christian home depends on the kind of heart the Christian father has in Christ. 

II.  The Teaching of the Christian Father – When the Christian father is immersed in the perfect Word of God, teaching will bring godly results. This is the power of God’s Word based upon God’s promise. Not only will such a wonderful father teach God’s Word with his words but he teaches daily by his godly life. The father will study and understand the Word of God correctly and teach them to his children. The teachers in church or outside the home will have a lesser influence because of the godly influence of father! In this instance the godliness of father will trump and dominate in the influence of his children to become more like Christ even before the children become Christians. They obey father who brings them up through discipline and the teaching of the way of Christ in their growing up years. What a great blessing this will have on the children, to taste what the life of a child of God is like before they become children of God themselves. Therefore the command of the LORD in Proverbs 4:1 is to the children to pay close attention and obey father. 

III.  The Response of the Children – Such children will be blessed with salvation grace exactly as what God has promised godly parents who train their children well in the ways of the LORD! Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The LORD used synonymous parallelism (in Prov 4:1) to emphasize His point of close attention resulting in obedience in such a godly home. The verb “attend” describes the pricking up of the ears, like an animal pricking up its ears when it stops whatever it is doing upon hearing a sound in the bushes. Its entire attention is turned in that direction just in case there might be a predator around. It becomes very alert and focuses on that sound. This is what God wants these children, who have godly fathers to guide and teach them, to do. They are to pay close attention to the life of father as he shows them the way out of hell and deliverance from the bondage of sin through Christ!

The LORD says that He will give these children good doctrine. These good doctrines from the Word of God when obeyed will lead to salvation and godly living. The first personal pronoun carries over from Proverbs 1-3 of which Solomon is the author. These good doctrines from father that are based upon the Word of God are called “the law”. It is the law in the children’s life when it has been practised all their lives. They cannot but be shaped and molded by this law of their fathers from the time of their birth. The child’s right and wrong will become like father’s. These good doctrines of knowing to avoid that which will hurt him, and when to rejoice, and to keep on doing whatsoever will help him be better, will never leave him. They have become part of his way of life. The child is not to turn his back on this law that father has ingrained into his being. This is what the heart of father is able to accomplish in his children when he is godly in life and words. The children from such a godly home will produce godly children that will bring great blessing to the cause of Christ and glory to God.

Conclusion –The heart of Christian parenting begins with father. If he is godly he will bring forth godly children, by the grace of God. He teaches by biblical chastisement to show his children what is right and wrong. When this is done since the children’s birth, what is taught will become the children’s “law” to guide and regulate their conduct as God's children too because father has already shown them the way of salvation through Christ. Is this not the heart of Christian parenting? Is the salvation and godly life of your children not what you desire for all of them? Being a godly father is where it all begins. Amen.