Eld Chew Chong Kiat

Priorities of a Christian Wife

The church has often preached for mothers to be home to look after their children. But the question remains, is it wrong for a Christian wife to work outside the home?

The answer will not be a simple yes or no. We read of an industrious woman in Pr 31:24 “She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.” And we read of the Scriptures’ clear command that she should be “keepers at home” (Tit 2:5). We need to consider the question more thoroughly and not be too quick to judge that every Christian wife should not work at all.

The world we live in has defined the role of a woman in a way that is very different from what we think. The call to all believers including the women today is given in Ro 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” They will only become blessed women when they understand and do the will of God who is their Maker and Redeemer and not be drunk with the false philosophy of the world. The call to women is to be sober (Tit 2:4) and to be sensible in her role as a child of God and in particular in her role as a woman. They ought to direct their lives and not be pushed along to do what other women are doing. The call is to self-control and the curbing of one’s desire. Christ calls out, “…If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” (Mt 16:24). This is what everyone is to do in this present world; not to do our will, but to do the will of God. And in order to do that, one must first deny his or her own will that is not in accordance with the will of God.

So to answer the question above, the best thing is to understand it from the priorities that God has given for women and Christian wives in particular.

I would like to highlight seven priorities of a godly wife as spelled out in Titus 2:3-5. There we have Paul’s exhortation to the older women, who stand out in godliness in the midst of the congregation, to take on the role to "teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." The word “teach” means to restore the young women to their senses (to be sober and of sound mind) and to hold them to the priorities.

Any failure to live their lives according to these priorities will cause the Word of God to be blasphemed, or evil spoken of. They will have nothing good to say that will give honour to God whom they profess. This is true of every child of God of course and therefore we are to “adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things”. (Tit 2:10) But a wife who orders her life according to these priorities will cause the Word of God to be honoured.

Seven Priorities of Every Christian Wife

1) They are “to love their husbands”. To love means to be affectionate as a wife, to be fond of the man who is her husband. It seems obvious but not to be taken for granted. Many women have lost their love for the men whom they married. They are to grow in fondness for their husbands and be devoted to them. This exhortation does not assume that the husband is lovable and conducts himself honourably so that she finds it natural to love him and revere him (Eph 5:33). It is a vow that every Christian wife takes before the Lord to love her husband and to be under obedience and submission to him, as unto the Lord. Even when the husband is not doing his role in loving his wife, she is to love him and submit to him still. It is a love based on a commitment, while life shall last, “for better or for worse”. It is more so an act of the will and not an act of the heart alone. It is a love by choice.

2) Christian wives are “to love their children”. No mother will disagree with this. Why is it even necessary to have this as a priority? The fact is that love for children is redefined by the world we live in. Love to children is not to give them what they want but what they need so that they will be able to know God and serve God in love. Admonishing and nurturing of children are very demanding tasks in parenting. It is 24/7 with no rest day. This is most effectively done in the growing years of the child, the moment they can respond to you. Parents are in the place of God to their children to show them the way of truth in Christ. The first person to show them who God is is the parent, and in particular the mother who spends much time with the child. It is from the lips of godly mothers that children learn to know their need of a Saviour in Christ Jesus. Just as Christ loves us by giving Himself for us all, mothers are called to give themselves to their children, and by their conduct (1Tim 2:15) and their teaching to seek to win their souls to Christ at the earliest age and to train them to be godly men and women whom God can use.

3) Christian wives are “to be discreet” or to be sober and under self-control. This word comes from the same root word as the word “sober” used in v4 “teach the young women to be sober”. It is here repeated to show emphasis. They need to be sober-minded about these priorities in their role and not to be like the rest in the whole who are self-seeking and ‘led away with divers lusts’ (2Ti 3:6). Many women today model their looks after superstars and models. They desire the success and power of the woman of the world. We are living in the era of the liberation of women who fight for equality of the sexes. The irony is that a woman who fears the Lord is a truly liberated woman, and a woman who is sober and knows her role will not conform to the silly talk of “equality of the sexes,” as if there is any inferiority in their God given role of being a woman. She is called to be under subjection to her own husband and that is not a call to inequality or to become less than a human made in the image of God. Be sober!

4) Christian wives are called to be “chaste” or pure and modest. It refers to the whole person - outward and inward, in dressing and in attitude and thoughts. She is to be outwardly, morally and sexually pure. Christian women are to "adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” (1Ti 2:9-10, c.f. 1Pet 3:3-6) They should have a healthy sense of shame, to blush when they say anything, do anything, or dress in any way that is indecent. They know that their body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Sensuality must not be the theme of their dressing. In place of this must be modesty. What they focus on in life is holiness and godliness so that godly and holy men will see them as daughters of God and not of the world. The Christian wife is to be singularly devoted to her own husband and to have eyes only for him. It is sad, but true, that many silly women lust after movie and sport stars. Such is not the conduct of a chaste woman.

5) Christian wives are to be “keepers at home”. One of the hardest things for many modern wives to do is to be a homemaker, especially those who have tasted fulfilling careers. Many feel no fulfilment to look after children. Even their parents object to their staying at home, saying that it is a ‘waste’ of their education and talent. They feel that a maid (or perhaps a robot in the future) or infant care can do a reasonably good job in bringing up healthy and successful children with their supervision as grandparents and the time parents spend with them in the evenings and weekends. But the truth is that every Christian wife who devotes herself to the domain of the home that God has given to her can live a very fulfilling life.

In our time, housework and cooking have been made a little easier by modern appliances and other conveniences which save much time. Some wives have no children or have grown up children and have fewer obligations in the home and more free time. Women in such circumstances can consider some work outside the home. But the home is her special domain and must always be her highest priority. It is her duty to make the house a home that the children and husband delight to go back to. Her home is also the place she can extend hospitality to others: to have fellowship or to receive missionaries.

With regard to work outside the home, the Christian wife should be sensible, as admonished in Titus 2:4 and she must consult her husband who is the head. The husband needs to decide how much time his wife can spend in activities outside the home, to work or to serve the Lord without sacrificing her primary role in the home.

6) Christian wives are to be “good”. They are to be good as God is good. They can show their goodness by their kindness, gentleness, consideration and sympathy for others. This is again an unconditional virtue as all believers are given the goodness of God when they become believers. Many know how to be good to those who do them good. But only children of God can be good even to the froward and evil. (Mt 5:45) Christian women show their Christlikeness by doing good. “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.” (Pr 31:20).

7) Finally, Christian wives are to be “obedient to their own husbands”. To be obedient means to come under subjection and control and to submit to his headship, to obey and yield to his admonition or advice in the Lord. (Eph 5:22-24; 1 Tim 2:11-14). With regard to the issue of working outside of the home, the husband must decide and the wife must submit.

Conclusion

The Scriptures do not forbid a Christian wife from working outside the home but does command her to have the right priority, which is in her home (Proverbs 31). She needs to fulfil God's primary calling to manage the home before she considers work outside the home with the approval of her husband.

The home is the sanctum for the Christian wife. But the world incessantly calls her out of her home to find her fulfilment and to be successful in other fields and to exhaust her energy to the neglect of her primary role. This is not the will of God.

A single woman is free to work outside the home. A married woman with no children or grown up and independent children will have some time and energy to devote to an outside job with the approval of her husband. A woman who is a mother will obviously have little time and energy left for outside employment. Given the high demand of many jobs in Singapore, it is difficult for a Christian wife to pursue outside employment without sacrificing the due attention to the home and the upbringing of children and service to the Lord.

May every Christian wife in Pandan know and fulfil her priorities that her children and her husband will rise up and call her blessed (Prov 31:28, 30).