Rev (Dr) Quek Suan Yew

PARENTING -- Train up your Child

Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Introduction – All children are conceived in sin and therefore they are all born in sin. The depravity in all babies is clearly taught in Holy Scriptures. This is also evident in day to day lives. The fact that babies have died inside their mothers’ wombs, and there have been still-born births, are evidence that they are sinners because sin is the cause of all deaths in this world! This also means that all babies are born with the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life in their beings or souls. There is no escape from this truth. Denial or any form of godless psychological eradication of this truth and reality will not change a single iota of it. All parents must be very cognizant of this truth in their babies. They need to see beyond their cuteness and angelic faces. Hidden behind the innocence is a depravity bursting to come forth the moment they enter into the age of accountability.

Once this age of accountability is reached, these toddlers will become more wilful and exhibit more of their imputed sin. They can hurt others deliberately. They will lie and blame others for their sins. From that point onwards the broad way that leads to destruction is before them. They will tread this broad way with many lanes. There are many walking on these lanes. The end of this broad way is death and destruction, i.e. the very depths of hell itself. Once their lives end in sin and death, there is no escaping. This warning came from the Lord Jesus Christ Himself as He concluded His perfect Sermon on the Mount. Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”

No one has to end in this manner of life-death-hell, especially the children of Christian parents. Their children can be have a Christian environment where they taste first-hand what it is like to live in heaven on earth through witnessing the godly lives of their parents, experiencing their loving discipline, and learning what is right and wrong from God’s perspective. This has always been God’s desire for His people as they witness for Him on earth. Whether they lived during the time before Moses when the household witness was the norm, or during the time of the national witness from Moses' time onwards, or during the time of the local church witness from Pentecost onwards, the expectation is the same. Godly parents must provide a godly home to bring their children up in the fear and nurture of the LORD. So even before they become believers they would have experienced the life of a Christian because of the loving tender mercies of their parents’ loving discipline!

The literal translation of Proverbs 22:6 is: “Narrow the child upon the mouth of his way also when he is old he will not depart from it.”

I.   Narrow the Way of the Child – Every child needs his parents to guide him in the way he ought to behave. He is born with a sinful nature but his mind is “blank” and his life is also a blank page waiting to be written. He has yet to take his first steps and do his first deed. It will most likely be wrong if mom and dad are not there to show him what his first act ought to be. It will be governed by his first thought that his parents sow into his heart and mind. If it is a prayer of thanksgiving to their heavenly Father the moment the child is born and the mother first caresses his baby soft helpless body as the family gathers in the cold delivery room warmed by their love for Christ, it will indeed be a blessed beginning. However, the sad reality is that most of us are so caught up by the physical well being that we forget the spiritual. As long as the baby things are bought and the room at home is prepared for the child, all painted and furnished by the best that mom and dad can afford, everything seems fine and good. The helper has arrived from a foreign land to care for the new addition. Mom and dad can soon go back to their working world and this new addition must never be allowed to throw their well planned careers off course. Let the helper take care of this new life. Let the words and philosophies of a stranger fill the mind and heart of this new addition. As long as there is a beautiful and comfortable home to live in and food on the table at every meal and clothes to wear for every occasion, these Christian parents think that all will be well. The child’s studies are cared for by tutors and on Sundays they are found in church. All are healthy and the child seems well behaved and God must be very pleased. All seems to be well with their soul!

The above is a sad repeated tale of many professing believers’ lives. The fact that children are gifts from God to be brought up in the fear and admonition of the LORD is lost and conveniently forgotten. Ephesians 6:4 “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The children belong to God. God expects all Christian parents to return the children to Him one day and the only way is in Christ. Parents are to show their children the way of Christ as they live in the way of the world. That is why the word used in Proverbs 22:6 is “narrow.” “Narrow” the way of the children and prevent them from ending up in the broad way of sin and death! Let the children know the narrow way that Christ speaks of in the Sermon on the Mount. This narrow way as defined by Christ includes having a right understanding of and obedience to God's holy and perfect Word (cf. Matthew 5). This is followed by having a right relationship with God through prayer and giving (cf. Matthew 6) including a right relationship with material possessions, not mammon, and seeking first God's kingdom and His righteousness all his life (cf. Matthew 6). Finally, the narrow way teaches believers how to relate to all people by knowing how to judge with compassion and rightly according to the Scriptures (cf. Matthew 7).

The right relationship that children need to learn from parents include:-

• With God’s Word – Parents must be good students of God's Word before they can be good teachers of God’s Word. Parents need to study God’s Word regularly and faithfully. This steady diet of God's Word will inevitably bear much fruit like a tree being planted by the side of a river always bearing much fruit. The parents teach the Word of God by first living it out in their lives and then teaching them by their words. They read God's Word to the children. They teach their children to memorize and understand God's Word. They encourage their children to attend Bible Study classes or other church ministries where the Word of God is taught faithfully and accurately. Parents should have already set the example so that with moral authority they can teach and expect their children to do the same. The Spirit of God will then use such godly examples to convict their children to follow. When this is done their children are actually following Christ;
  
  
• With God – In teaching the Word of God, parents must also teach their children to give and pray. The children must learn that the understanding of the Word of God comes from the Holy Spirit. If they understand the Word of God it is the Holy Spirit who helps them. When they are young they obey parents; thus when they pray they begin to speak with God before they even know Christ as Lord and Saviour. This kind of impact in their young lives is a great blessing. Will the Lord hear? Yes, because these children are holy in the sight of God because of their Christian parents! God will be answering the prayers of the children because of the prayers of the Christian parents. Christian parents pray that their children will grow to trust in the Lord and the children pray the same. The prayers are then answered accordingly. The children learn to experience the presence of God in their lives because they experience it in their godly homes provided by their Christ honouring parents;
  
  
• With Possessions – Teaching the children to have the right attitude toward their possessions is one of the best ways to prepare them before they face the world as adults where they have to stand on their own two feet and are confronted by the glitter and bright lights of fool’s gold. Parents who teach children not to be stingy and miserly will learn to be thrifty. Parents who teach their children not to be spendthrifts will learn the value of mammon, that they must use mammon and not allow mammon to use them or own them by becoming slaves to them. The love of money is the root of all evil. They must love Christ and not mammon. No man can love both. Teach them that everything belongs to God. They must learn to give of their pocket money as a tithe to the Lord. Teach them to give out of love and gratitude and not of necessity or compulsion. Use mammon to become a better witness for Christ and help others in need by giving to them. Teach them to not be motivated by money or earthly success but by the love of God in Christ when it comes to seeking mammon;
  
  
• With People – Before they begin to judge, which all people will do, parents need to teach children about censorious judgement which is evil and destructive. Teach children to judge by first judging their own hearts and actions. In this way, they will see their own sins and experience forgiveness from God first. This helps them to judge others with compassion and tenderness of heart seeking to restore and not to condemn. The whole approach of judgement becomes truthful and seeking only the best for the other person in Christ. Truth becomes the basis of judgement and not situational ethics. Situational ethics is the bane of many homes all over the world. It is the philosophy of no absolutes where “white lies” are told and sinners do what is right in their own eyes. Parents need to learn biblical judgement so that they can teach their children to trust God in the outcome of all circumstances of life as long as they make every judgement based upon God’s holy Word. Their lives will then be pleasing to God.

The word “way” refers to a well trodden path, i.e. the life of everyone on earth. Christian parents must narrow the life of their children to stop them from travelling the broad way that will ruin their lives because it leads to destruction. When should this narrowing of the way begin?

II.  From the Time of Birth– The time to begin narrowing the way of the child is from his birth. That is what the phrase “the mouth of his way” means. It means the start of his life’s way or journey. The child’s life needs to begin with God’s truth and prayer. It is like writing on blank pages. If the parents will not write God’s truth on it, then the world will. Every life experience of the child will affect the child’s perspective of the world and of Christ as he grows up in a Christian home. Some parents think that their children are too young to know right from wrong and to be chastised or disciplined. This is where they are grossly mistaken. The result is a spoilt or unrestrained child who will do what is right in his own eyes because mom and dad think they are too young to know better. The helper who cares for their child may instil bad habits; and even if the habits are good it comes from the wrong authority as the parents have abdicated their responsibility when one parent is supposed to stay home to “narrow” the way of their own God given child. They foolishly exchange the precious time of bringing up and nurturing their own children for filthy lucre. This is a lifelong mistake that cannot be undone or reversed. The precious moments they could have had to impact their children for Christ were given over to others. Parents’ 100% influence over their children’s lives is short. By the time the children reach primary school age, they will begin to challenge the parents’ decisions. This total influence diminishes with every passing year of the child’s growth. By the time the child is 18, the influence is nearly zero. Whether their children turn out godly or carnal will be revealed. When they face the working world and have their own lives, what was done at birth or not done at birth will become the report card of parenting before God.

The time of influence in the children’s lives is short and priceless. It is priceless not because it is brief but because of the privilege and value of moulding a life into the life of Christ for God’s glory. That is why it must begin immediately. All parents must be prepared for this. The father has his role to fulfil as the spiritual head of the home. He sets the spiritual tone for the whole family as well as its direction . . . toward the world of the devil or the world of God. The mother is the heart and soul of the family where the physical, mental and spiritual well being of everyone in the home is in her care. Parents must provide a godly home on earth for the children as a foretaste of what heaven is like so that they will see Christ clearly in mom and dad and will love the Saviour too because He is also the Saviour of mom and dad whom they love with all their heart.

III. A Life Time Impact – Start well in God's truth and your children will end well with God’s truth – this is God’s promise. The promise is, “when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Claim it for His glory and your children’s salvation. This is a promise that comes with a lifetime of godly examples from mom and dad. It begins from the start of parenting when they hold their firstborn in their arms for the first time. The lasting impact as promised by the LORD is a lifetime. It can be a lifetime of blessing where the child knows Christ as Lord and Saviour. It can also be a lifetime of sadness because he has been so badly stumbled and the image of Christ is forever blemished in his heart and mind that no other witness can ever erase. He is condemned to hell because of his derelict parents who ruined it for him. The lifetime of blessing is glorious and forever blessed. The foundation and impact of parental holiness and godliness in their children’s hearts will result in salvation. They will see the wonderful Saviour in mom and dad even before they begin to walk or talk.

The conviction will be deep and lasting. The godly impressions of Christ etched deeply into the heart and minds of the children can never be erased. They have seen God in Christ through a lifetime of their parents’ Christ-centred living. That will surely bring forth Christ-likeness in the children through their salvation and their holy witness as well.

Conclusion – To all Christian parents, the honour and privilege of impacting the lives of your children are yours and yours alone given to you by your heavenly Father out of His gracious hand. Do not exchange them for all the gold in the world. Do not sell them for all the rewards and accolades of man. Shaping the lives of your children by your godly example and influence is beyond price. The LORD will by His grace and mercies honour your faith and trust in Him by saving your children. Love the Lord by obeying Him in narrowing the beginning of the life of your children and when they are old they will not depart from this narrow path you have led them to and through which you have walked with them. Amen.