Rev (Dr) Quek Suan Yew

The Fifth Commandment – The First With a Promise!

Introduction – The laws of God are basically divided into three types:

1) the Civil laws that regulate the relationships between fellow Israelites living in the Land of Promise. They are primarily found in Exodus chapters 21 to 23;
2) the Levitical laws which are primarily found in the book of Leviticus. They repair and restore the Israelites’ relationship with their God, the LORD;
3) the Moral laws of God. They are usually identified by and summarised in the Ten Commandments. They reflect the attributes of the thrice holy God. Therefore these moral laws are absolute. The LORD God is immutable and His immutable attributes are the foundation for these moral laws to stand in their absolute nature and application. They are also called apodictic laws. This is in contrast to the civil laws which are conditional and are called casuistic laws.

Casuistic laws are understood and applied on a case by case basis. The foundation and basis for the casuistic laws are the apodictic laws. For example, when the apodictic law says that Israel is forbidden to steal, stealing is always wrong regardless of whether it refers to the Israel in Moses’ time or Israel in King David’s time or Israel in the time of Christ. There is no justification or exception for stealing or for any of the “shalt not” in the Ten Commandments! The Israelite must know that he has not only sinned against his neighbour by stealing from him, but he has also sinned against God for stealing. The casuistic laws differ in punishment depending on what was stolen. For example, in the time of Moses when a man stole a sheep and killed it and he was caught, he had to pay a penalty of four sheep. If he stole an ox, he had to pay five oxen to his neighbour for the same crime of stealing. An ox was more valuable than a sheep and therefore a greater penalty was demanded as the victim suffered a greater loss. Exodus 22:1 “If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it; he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep.” These laws were for God’s people only and not meant for the Gentile world and must be understood as such. That is why when God condemnned the Gentiles in the book of Romans chapter 1, He used Creation, i.e. general revelation and not the laws of God. However, when God condemned Israel in Romans 2, He used His laws because Israel had been given the laws of God to regulate their lives.

The Fifth Commandment is the first of the Ten Commandments that focuses on the relationship between man and man. The previous four commandments focus on man and his God. In these four commandments, there is no difficulty in accepting that they are absolute in their nature and application because God is perfect and man is sinful. Therefore when man is commanded to not take the name of God in vain or not to make and bow down to any image, he has no problem accepting it. However, when it comes to the remaining six commandments which relate to his fellow man, there is a tendency for man to turn these commandments into casuistic ones when they are supposed to be apodictic. This is a dangerous interpretation that will result in sin. The relationship between the child of God and his God will be compromised. If these apodictic laws become casuistic, then the sinner will justify not obeying them. If so-called conditions for disobedience exist, then the sinner can break these apodictic laws and not feel bad about it! The fifth commandment is an example to highlight this dangerous understanding. If a father sins because he abuses his child, does this mean that the child need not honour his father? The fifth commandment says to honour father and mother. It does not say honour a godly or good father and mother. All the remaining six commandments, including the fifth commandment, are unconditional commandments that belong clearly to the apodictic laws. They must be obeyed unconditionally regardless of the status of the person we are to relate to, and in the case of the fifth commandment it is to our parents!

     I.   Our Father and Mother – Who Are They? – Parents are specially chosen by our God. He alone decides when they are born and when they marry. He alone decides when they will have children and who their children will be. This is an undeniable fact of life that unbelievers, whose minds have been blinded by the god of this world, have tried their best to deny and ignore. That is why parents are dishonoured and even despised by their own children. This must not be the case for God’s children. God’s children have been imputed with the righteousness that is of the law. This means that they have the power from God in Christ to obey all the laws of God including the Ten Commandments. This includes the fifth commandment! This means that God did not give His children a commandment that He has not already equipped them with, which is all the necessary understanding and willingness to obey joyfully and happily. Our parents are God appointed and God’s sovereign choice to bring us into existence. Without them we do not exist, literally.

     Regardless of how our parents treat or might have treated us, all Christian children must honour their parents. The commandment does not say obey CHRISTIAN parents or GOOD parents or KIND parents or HOLY parents. The fifth commandment simply says PARENTS! What if our parents abuse us or beat us up to the point of near death, do we still have to honour them? The answer is a simple resounding YES! Below are some of the biblical reasons for such an unconditional command:-

• Parents are the source of our existence from God.  We came from them. They gave us life. They are chosen for us by God, our Heavenly Father. God makes no mistakes. Therefore, as children of God who understand and know the sovereignty of God, we must remember that our existence on earth from beginning to end are ordered by God’s all powerful hand and all-knowing heart and mind. He uses our past to shape and mould us to be who we are today. The pain and hurts as well as the joys and happiness in life are allowed by God to mould His children even though they did not know Him until their salvation. After salvation, they understand that God already knew them even before they began to exist in their mothers’ wombs! There are no accidents in the believer’s life, before and after salvation. The darkest moment and the happiest moment in life are in His sovereign hand and permitted by Him. This is the sovereignty of God that every child of God must embrace to help him honour his parents unconditionally;

• To honour them is to honour God because God gave our parents to us. We cannot see God. We can see our parents. We are to honour them, for by honouring them we are actually honouring God. Since we are to honour God unconditionally, we are to honour our parents unconditionally. We are to regard them as the ones who have given us life because they did;

• To honour them unconditionally for Christ’s sake.  This is the basic and foundational reason for honouring parents unconditionally. That is why these Ten Commandments including the fifth can be obeyed unconditionally only by Christians. They honour their parents because of what the Lord Jesus Christ has done for them at Calvary. Christ lived and died for them. They experienced a forgiveness that is from heaven. That is why they are able to forgive their parents for all the hurt and wrong and even abuse done to them when they were growing up. Without this love of Christ in their hearts they will not be able to honour their parents unconditionally as the bitterness and anger and even hatred might consume them from within like canker. Unbelievers honour their parents with conditions that are primarily self-serving even though they might think that they are not. For all children of God, the love of Christ will so overwhelm them that they will honour their parents cheerfully regardless of how their parents having been treating them.

     II.  A Command to Honour Unconditionally for God’s glory – All children of God MUST honour their parents unconditionally for the glory of God. Why does God have to command children to honour their parents? Children grow up from infancy to teenage years learning to honour parents as they depend on them for their existence like food and clothing and a roof over their heads. This is the period in their lives whereby honouring parents is not difficult to do. However from teenage years onwards, honouring parents becomes more and more difficult. The children begin to think that they are smarter than their parents. The most onerous period in the children’s lives is when they face their own financial responsibilities and burdens such as loans for housing, the cares of family life and work, and on top of these heavy burdens their parents are aged and require their care as they are no longer healthy or well enough to take care of themselves! Financial constraints might not allow them to put their parents in an old folk’s home. The responsibilities of looking after a young family may make it unrealistic to care for them themselves. If they leave them alone, their conscience may prick them. They may feel completely helpless and that is where the struggle to honour parents is great. Yet, this is the time of testing to prove if the child truly honours his parents! There is no expiration date when it comes to honouring parents. As long as they are alive, every child has to honour them.

     “To honour” means “to have a very high regard” or “to revere” them. They are to be praised. Children must never talk bad about or bad mouth their parents. Whether in their parents’ presence or not, they are to have the highest regard for them. Parents will be praised by their children all the time. Their wrongs must never be highlighted or spoken of by their children. They are to be highly esteemed by their children. That is why God gave the command to all children to honour their parents. It will not come naturally to children who are without Christ. However, for children in Christ the ability to do it is given supernaturally by the power of the Spirit of God who dwells in them. They will be happy and able to obey this commandment from their heavenly Father to honour their parents just because they are their parents. God says, “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee.” Children of God will keep on honouring them unconditionally regardless of whether their parents have been good or bad parents. It makes no difference to God’s children as they will do it unto Christ their LORD and Saviour! They will not stop honouring their parents. Regardless of how the circumstances in life might change, honouring their parents will remain constant. This will be their desire for life as long as their heavenly Father gives them life and keeps their parents alive for the children of God to do it. It is their privilege to honour their parents by caring for them and loving them because they are God’s chosen parents for them.

     III. A Matter of Holy Witness – “This is easier said than done” might be the cry of some children whose parents have been abusive and derelict in their duties as parents. “Why should I honour my parents if my parents provoke me and have been abusive to me?” may be the cry of many today whose lives before salvation were truly dark and more like a nightmare than a blessed memory! The LORD gives a very good promise to all His children who would obey this commandment. He promises, “that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” This promise has a twofold meaning:-.

• God’s people will remain in the Land of Promise – This refers to being part of a national witness. Israel could not be a national witness for the LORD if they were not in the Land of Promise or did not have a land. Without the land Israel was NOT a nation. That is what the phrase “that thy days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee” means. It does not mean that the individual Israelites would have long life. If this is true then we have to conclude that those who died young in the Land of Promise must have dishonoured their parents! This is a faulty conclusion based upon an erroneous interpretation. The right interpretation is that God promised Israel in Leviticus 26 and Deuteronomy 28 that if Israel were to obey the LORD, Israel would be blessed by Him and no one would be able to remove Israel from the Land of Promise! Israel would be doing exactly what God wanted her to do and that was to be a holy witness for Christ. However, if Israel were to sin against God such as by refusing to honour their parents, then curses would come upon Israel that would include pestilence, famine, and oppressors would come and plunder and kill. Ultimately Israel would be removed from the Land of Promise if Israel was a sinful and bad witness for Christ. Honouring parents was the key to this spiritual blessing. The home would be blessed when children honour their parents unconditionally. If their parents were bad and the children refuse to honour them, then the bad witness would continue from one generation to the next.

However, when God’s children honour their parents regardless of their parents’ behaviour, then the bad testimony of their parents would not pass down to the next generation. Israel’s holy witness would be restored by these obedient children of God who honour their parents. These children would break the sinful trend. Remember that all the families in Israel combined together made up the society of Israel like all the societies of the world. Therefore when families in Israel are godly because they obey God’s Word and honour their parents, the image of Christ would be clearly seen and many in the world would be saved from their sins.

This is true of the church today as the church now bears the image of Christ. When the families in the church have children who honour their parents (whether their parents are believers or not because the basis of honouring is the fact that they are their PARENTS) the testimony of Christ will be extremely effective and God honouring, especially in the home.

• God’s people will be a holy witness for Christ in the Land of Promise – A holy witness for Christ comes with getting rid of sin in the believer’s life. If the child of God harbours bitterness against his bad and abusive parents and the fifth commandment is not obeyed unconditionally, who is the one who will really get hurt and live in misery? It is the child of God who refuses to honour his parents. The bitterness he harbours against his parents is based upon a refusal to forgive, resulting in an anger that is unbiblical and a refusal to honour his parents. This child of God is in sin. He cannot pray and worship as God will not hear any of His children if they regard iniquity in their hearts (cf. Psalm 66:18). Parents are never to be forgotten in every child’s heart whether they are good or bad. That is why the fifth commandment is so needful and important to protect the spiritual well-being of the believer’s life. He must honour his parents unconditionally to bring the peace back into his heart and soul that was given to him when he accepted Christ. But if he refuses to honour his parents because of his parents’ failure, the child of God has sinned. He has no peace of mind and heart. That is the meaning of the phrase “go well” with Israel. Israel would be a good witness for the LORD when her people honour parents. Israel’s holy witness depended on the children honouring their parents unconditionally, regardless of how their parents behaved.

When it comes to the church there is a slight change to this fifth commandment in terms of its understanding and application. The LORD says in Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” Obedience to our parents is one of the best ways to honour them. This obedience is always in the LORD because the church exists in a world of unbelievers. Therefore the children of God have to obey only all matters that are biblical. However, the honouring of parents has to be the same, which is unconditional, as verse 2 clearly teaches. Two different Greek words are used here to ensure that the honour, i.e. reverence, for parents must never be conditional even though the obedience is to be done in the LORD. When believers live in this manner, they will be a blessing to the world and they will live long as God’s witnesses on the earth instead of the Land of Promise according to Deuteronomy 5:16. There is a change regarding the promise of God because God’s witness on earth has changed from a national to an ecclesiastical one. But the moral law of honouring parents unconditionally has not changed. It remains the same.

Conclusion – The fifth commandment in the Ten Commandments starts off the commandments whereby when man sin against one another it is also an offense against God. God’s people must never forget this truth. Repairing our relationship with one another after a transgression must also include repenting before God. Honouring our parents must be unconditional regardless of how our parents behave. This is to stop the decline in unholy witness, to restore a holy witness and to maintain the wellness of the spiritual life of the children of God. It is a blessed commandment that brings glory to God and exalts the witness of Christ because all children of God must honour their parents for Christ’s sake always and they must do so unconditionally. Amen.